Dear Diary,

Today was the worst day ever!

My monkeys screwed everything up. I don't know how. I gave them very clear instructions. And I got results that were beyond the worst thing I could have imagined. And they used up all my supplies. And the safety cabinet is broken. And I couldn't do test because the equipment was signed out.

Also, I took a test that may not have gone so well.

Had to throw away my tootsie pop to go in the lab.

Tara promised to make me a bomb and she didn't.

The cafeteria was closed when I got there.

I got blisters from wearing my cute but ill fitting shoes

I went out drinking and the only mix was flat diet coke so I didn't get drunk and now have a headache.

It snowed.

And I got a paper cut.

Also my NCAA bracket is now screwed over.

And Jesse refused to come see me.

Sad face. Very sad face.

Dear Diary,

I went skiing with Emily yesterday.

She didn't get off the chair lift and screamed, "I'm stuck! I'm stuck!" in a very high pitched voice. Then she tripped the emergency stop cord and the lift stopped and she had to walk off in shame.

It was hillarious!

Dear Diary,

This is a true dialog between Tara and I.

Tara: Hey, Rebecca. I bet you won't eat your dinner without silverware at the banquet tonight.

Rebecca: I will if you will.

Tara: Pinky promise?

Rebecca: Pinky promise.

Star Wars-esque fade to 2 hours later.

Tara: What if it's something that would be super awkward to eat with our hands?

Rebecca: like mashed potatoes or jello?

Tara: yeah like something too liquid to pick up but to solid to drink.

Rebecca: Or pasta. Pasta would be bad. What would we do if it was spaghetti? Twirl the noodles areound our fingers and suck it off?

Tara: Hmmm...not so good.

Rebecca: Well we have to do it now. We pinky promised!

Fade to banquet

Tara has gone to wells to finish picking up after the other tournament.

Rebecca calls Tara

Rebecca: Hey Tara. Banquets started want me to get you a plate?

Rebecca's team has moved to sit with Kent State. Kent State did not know what was to happen when they invited the team to sit with them.

Tara: yeah get me whatever I'll be there in a bit.

Time passes and everyone is almost done eating. Rebecca is waiting for Tara.

Tara finally gets to the banquet sits down and finds a huge plate of spaghetti in front of her.

Tara: Hmm.. it's spaghetti. Great.

R: yep.

T: Are you sure you want to do this?

R: yep

T and R study how to eat spaghetti without silverware.

T and R pick up one breadstick in each hand and in a motion similar to tossing a salad scoop the spaghetti towards their mouths and take a great big bite.

5 minutes and half a plate of spaghetti later

Tara: I want silverware.

Rebecca: Nope you can't. You pinky promised.

Tara: What if I consede the point and say you win?

Rebecca: Nope

Tara: Pretty Pretty Pretty please?

Rebecca: Nope

Tara: I will love you forever.

Rebecca: and?

Tara: You win. I should have never doubted you would do this.

Rebecca: That's right, I do all kinds of crazy, embarrassing things. You should know this by now.

R hands T silverware

Tara: Thank you!

Dear Diary,

So there was this chicken right. It was a brown chicken. A brown spotted chicken. Well the chicken turns to the duck, he was a white duck, and says duck have you heard this joke of mine.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his crotch and the bartender says hey pirate do you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your crotch and the pirate says Aaarrrr!! It's drivin' me nuts!

So that really has nothing to do with chickens at all does it?

Dear Diary,

So this is a funny story. In fact it happened just now. I was lying in bed talking to Jesse and my phone vibrated to tell me it was low on battery. I got off the phone and decided I should plug it in. But since I was already all cozy in bed I didn't want to get down. So I decided to compromise. I leaned off the loft to grab the charger cord that was draped over my desk when I started to slide. Not only was I sliding but my pants were coming off as I slid and the more I tried to move back the more my pants came off and the farther I slid forward. So now I'm in a real pickle. My arms are stretched straight out against the desk only my legs are on the bed and my pants are around my knees. Eventually I decided that this was a hopeless situation and shoved everything off my desk and landed very gracefully in a heap on top of it. My pants however did not. And I wasn't wearing panties either. Good thing Leah wasn't here. True Story.

Dear Diary,

I find it terribly difficult to fall asleep alone. I don't mean without a man, though that is nice too. Just to be completely alone is odd. Since being in college I have always essentially shared a room. And before college I had my own room but my family was just down the hall. But to spend the night completely alone where no one knows or cares if you spend the entire night tossing and turning unable to sleep, that's hard. I'm sitting alone at midnight watching Bridgett Jones and thinking about two people that I miss desperately, especially at night - which one of you would think was odd and the other would be all to happy to hear that I think about you at night. I have spent every night so far this week alone.

Dear Diary,

I have decided that it would be a grand idea to turn my everyday life into a sitcom. It would be like the office but more retarded and lewd and with random explosions.

Dear Diary

So I have these friends that I go to class with. But some of them are kind of retarded. Case in point, three guys who I will not give names to since that is not important, came into the design room drunk and hung over before class. Of course as before I said they're all idiots so they were acting like boys and one goes to fart on another. So boy one goes to fart on boys two and ends up sitting on boy 2 and shitting his pants. Which sadly is the second time boy 1 had shit his pants during school ... in college. This is why women are doomed to not understand the men around them.

Dear Diary

I step in a puddle today. Icy water flooded into my shoes. I shouldn't wear my Pumas in the winter but I like them. True story.

Dear Diary,

My fortress was invaded today, my defenses and morale broken. It made me feel cold inside.

Dear diary,

How hot a hot plate need to get before it will boil water? Water boils at 100 C. So it seems reasonable that if I made the hot plate 150 C it would make the water boil. I waited and waited for like an hour - maybe it wasn't really an hour but who's counting? and it wouldn't boil and wouldn't boil so I turned it up and up until it was on full heat and then... it burned. But it never boiled. It was sad. And then I poured the solution down the sink and maybe I shouldn't have done that? I guess I'll know when I get yelled at. I was going to ask how hot to make it but then I got made fun of for not knowing how to do anything so I thought it would be not so good to ask how one boils water. True story.

Dear Diary,

My mom got a new puppy. We don't need a puppy. We already have a golden that is more puppy than any six people could possibly know what to do with. But he will be 2 years old next month and is settling into being decent to be around so apparently it was the perfect time to introduce a new little terror into the house. Better dogs than grandchildren. The thought of babies scares me tremendously even though I know I'll want some someday. But anyway that is not what this story is about. So we have a new puppy. He is 9 weeks old and black all over except for a little line of white on his chest. He is a cocker spaniel and has the softest puppy fur I've ever felt. He is a very needy child and cry whenever you leave him. So he sleeps in bed with mom and dad every night and the longest they've left him alone in 2 weeks is about 2 hours - which was very traumatic for him I'm sure. His name is Zeke. He really doesn't like the big dog, he screams a high pitch howl whenever they are in the same room. Oh and he bites toes, and ears and his sharp little teeth hurt alot. he bit me in the face and made me bleed - true story. But I like him anyway and wish I could have a puppy live with me.

Dear Diary

People are taking up the couch and I'm sitting on the hard wooden chair writing in my blog. Oh sad sadness. It's technically my couch right now. Frown.

Dear Diary,

Have you ever missed someone so much that it just physically hurt?

Dear Diary,

106 lines oh yes my life goal is complete! Tetris, I own you!!! (maniacal laughter ensues)

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today I was talking to my girlfriend and then an evil spirit stole her and turned me into a wolf. Then I was imprisoned, met a princess, and brought light back to the world. Still haven't gotten my girlfriend back. Well to be honest I guess she isn't my girlfriend but I'm pretty sure I want her. Oh and this kid has a little boy crush on me, it's weird. Oh I also saved 5 monkeys. Did I mention I was playing Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess? I guess that's an important detail to this story. I also drew a cube and 6 cylinders in autocad, it took 2 hours. I must be retarded.

The End.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I'm a loser and have nothing to do so I impulsively check my email and facebook every 16 minutes to see if anyone exciting has emailed, or messaged me. Then when no one has I get sad and write about it on my blog. True story.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

This is my first post, obviously. And this first post serves as a warning to all that might read this, which is most likely to be only one person, at least for awhile. The vast majority of what will be posted on this page is fictional, let's say 83% of it. The other 17% may only be true from a certain point of view. Also I make no promises on correct spelling, punctuation or anything of the sort, and all commas are sure to be used inappropriately. So that is the one and only warning on the subject. Other important info, this blog is meant to be hilarious so laugh. Also every entry will likely start with Dear Diary for no particular reason. Tada