Dear Diary,

Today was the worst day ever!

My monkeys screwed everything up. I don't know how. I gave them very clear instructions. And I got results that were beyond the worst thing I could have imagined. And they used up all my supplies. And the safety cabinet is broken. And I couldn't do test because the equipment was signed out.

Also, I took a test that may not have gone so well.

Had to throw away my tootsie pop to go in the lab.

Tara promised to make me a bomb and she didn't.

The cafeteria was closed when I got there.

I got blisters from wearing my cute but ill fitting shoes

I went out drinking and the only mix was flat diet coke so I didn't get drunk and now have a headache.

It snowed.

And I got a paper cut.

Also my NCAA bracket is now screwed over.

And Jesse refused to come see me.

Sad face. Very sad face.

Dear Diary,

I went skiing with Emily yesterday.

She didn't get off the chair lift and screamed, "I'm stuck! I'm stuck!" in a very high pitched voice. Then she tripped the emergency stop cord and the lift stopped and she had to walk off in shame.

It was hillarious!

Dear Diary,

This is a true dialog between Tara and I.

Tara: Hey, Rebecca. I bet you won't eat your dinner without silverware at the banquet tonight.

Rebecca: I will if you will.

Tara: Pinky promise?

Rebecca: Pinky promise.

Star Wars-esque fade to 2 hours later.

Tara: What if it's something that would be super awkward to eat with our hands?

Rebecca: like mashed potatoes or jello?

Tara: yeah like something too liquid to pick up but to solid to drink.

Rebecca: Or pasta. Pasta would be bad. What would we do if it was spaghetti? Twirl the noodles areound our fingers and suck it off?

Tara: Hmmm...not so good.

Rebecca: Well we have to do it now. We pinky promised!

Fade to banquet

Tara has gone to wells to finish picking up after the other tournament.

Rebecca calls Tara

Rebecca: Hey Tara. Banquets started want me to get you a plate?

Rebecca's team has moved to sit with Kent State. Kent State did not know what was to happen when they invited the team to sit with them.

Tara: yeah get me whatever I'll be there in a bit.

Time passes and everyone is almost done eating. Rebecca is waiting for Tara.

Tara finally gets to the banquet sits down and finds a huge plate of spaghetti in front of her.

Tara: Hmm.. it's spaghetti. Great.

R: yep.

T: Are you sure you want to do this?

R: yep

T and R study how to eat spaghetti without silverware.

T and R pick up one breadstick in each hand and in a motion similar to tossing a salad scoop the spaghetti towards their mouths and take a great big bite.

5 minutes and half a plate of spaghetti later

Tara: I want silverware.

Rebecca: Nope you can't. You pinky promised.

Tara: What if I consede the point and say you win?

Rebecca: Nope

Tara: Pretty Pretty Pretty please?

Rebecca: Nope

Tara: I will love you forever.

Rebecca: and?

Tara: You win. I should have never doubted you would do this.

Rebecca: That's right, I do all kinds of crazy, embarrassing things. You should know this by now.

R hands T silverware

Tara: Thank you!

Dear Diary,

So there was this chicken right. It was a brown chicken. A brown spotted chicken. Well the chicken turns to the duck, he was a white duck, and says duck have you heard this joke of mine.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his crotch and the bartender says hey pirate do you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your crotch and the pirate says Aaarrrr!! It's drivin' me nuts!

So that really has nothing to do with chickens at all does it?

Dear Diary,

So this is a funny story. In fact it happened just now. I was lying in bed talking to Jesse and my phone vibrated to tell me it was low on battery. I got off the phone and decided I should plug it in. But since I was already all cozy in bed I didn't want to get down. So I decided to compromise. I leaned off the loft to grab the charger cord that was draped over my desk when I started to slide. Not only was I sliding but my pants were coming off as I slid and the more I tried to move back the more my pants came off and the farther I slid forward. So now I'm in a real pickle. My arms are stretched straight out against the desk only my legs are on the bed and my pants are around my knees. Eventually I decided that this was a hopeless situation and shoved everything off my desk and landed very gracefully in a heap on top of it. My pants however did not. And I wasn't wearing panties either. Good thing Leah wasn't here. True Story.

Dear Diary,

I find it terribly difficult to fall asleep alone. I don't mean without a man, though that is nice too. Just to be completely alone is odd. Since being in college I have always essentially shared a room. And before college I had my own room but my family was just down the hall. But to spend the night completely alone where no one knows or cares if you spend the entire night tossing and turning unable to sleep, that's hard. I'm sitting alone at midnight watching Bridgett Jones and thinking about two people that I miss desperately, especially at night - which one of you would think was odd and the other would be all to happy to hear that I think about you at night. I have spent every night so far this week alone.

Dear Diary,

I have decided that it would be a grand idea to turn my everyday life into a sitcom. It would be like the office but more retarded and lewd and with random explosions.

Dear Diary

So I have these friends that I go to class with. But some of them are kind of retarded. Case in point, three guys who I will not give names to since that is not important, came into the design room drunk and hung over before class. Of course as before I said they're all idiots so they were acting like boys and one goes to fart on another. So boy one goes to fart on boys two and ends up sitting on boy 2 and shitting his pants. Which sadly is the second time boy 1 had shit his pants during school ... in college. This is why women are doomed to not understand the men around them.

Dear Diary

I step in a puddle today. Icy water flooded into my shoes. I shouldn't wear my Pumas in the winter but I like them. True story.

Dear Diary,

My fortress was invaded today, my defenses and morale broken. It made me feel cold inside.